Where Do We Go From Here?
by I Dream of Scotty
Summary: Red John is dead, but Lisbon killed him. The aftermath that follows is a mix of ambivalent feelings on both their parts. But will this incident mark the start of a new chapter for them or will they drift apart? Jisbon. Second chapter now added.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This was something that was going round in my mind for some time. How I think that things could go if Lisbon kills Red John

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Mentalist**

She sat in her office, alone, the light from the window fading into shadows that scattered about the room. Hiding places. Safe. Places she could hide from the outside world while the tears fell softly down her face. Lonely tears and unspoken feelings tormented her, like a suspect that she couldn't put away. Mocking her. Like the serial killer who eluded capture for so long, until finally, she had put a bullet in him, ending his life. She had sought out the tequila in her desk but after one shot she realised that no amount of alcohol would drown the demons, the mocking hurt she felt inside. She had hurt him and he had hurt her. They had argued, fought, until words were spoken that could not be taken back and now they sat, on opposite ends of the office. She at her desk and he on the sofa in the bullpen. Each lost in their own thoughts, their own, private war zone. It had been three hours now, three hours since she had spoken to anyone; the rest of the team had gone home for the evening. Silence was her sole companion.

In the dim light she dared to turn her head in the direction of her consultant. Only a little at first, her fear and anger not permitting her more than a glance in his direction. He lay there, still, unmoving, illuminated by the faint beams of moonlight. He looked so much like a beacon of hope in the night and more than anything, she wanted to go to him, feeling drawn in his direction by the pull of her tortured heart. But she wouldn't, she couldn't, not yet, not while everything was still so fresh, so raw in her mind.

He lay on the sofa, a light draught of air wafted across him causing him to shiver a little. A ghostly caress, cool, gentle, such a contrast to his conflicted mind. He knew he had caused her pain and he hated himself for that. He knew it was selfish, but Red John was his kill. He had been planning that moment for ten years and she had taken it from him, in the blink of an eye. He hated her for that. In that one startling and heated moment, he hated her. He had spent the next few hours in quiet self-rebuke. Beating himself up for the careless use of words and uncontrolled feelings that he couldn't stop from pouring out of him. He hadn't meant to hurt her; he knew he would rather die than cause her that much pain. He knew how she had felt about him, that she cared about him, even loved him and that the decision to shoot Red John came purely from instinct. She was protecting him. She had saved his life but all he could do was hurt her. He didn't want to be protected; he didn't want to be saved. All he wanted was revenge for his family. That was his reason for living, for keeping it together when he could have fallen to pieces. But with one pull of the trigger Lisbon had ended that, and in that moment, a part of him died with Red John. The two of them had gone up in flames at her actions.

He chanced a glance at her office but couldn't see her from where he lay. Slowly he sat upright and that's when he saw the result of his thoughtlessness. Lisbon - his Lisbon was crying. He felt his heart shatter at the sight. He wanted to go to her, to tell her that he was sorry and that he would do anything to make it up to her but one more look at her and he realised that no words would adequately convey his feelings for her, his boundless gratitude to her, for being there for him for so long, for standing by him when anyone else would have walked away years ago. He was a fool and he knew it. He decided to stand up and go to her anyway, unable to bear the cold expanse between them any longer. His heart was pounding in his chest, but just as he started to move, he saw her leaving her office. She was going home. He waited until she was at the elevator and then swiftly followed, meeting her just as the doors parted open. "Lisbon!" he called, a tinge of urgency in his voice, "Wait, please?"

Wordlessly, she turned around to face him, not quite able to meet his eyes. "What do you want Jane?" she asked, her voice weak, tired.

He could see the puffiness of her eyes and the faint tear tracks glistening on her cheeks and his knees almost buckled, guilt tearing through him, weighing him down. He felt like the lowest form of life. "Those things I said earlier, I didn't mean them. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, right." She whispered, half heartedly, she had heard this all before, classic Jane. He would make the biggest mess possible and take it for granted that she would just sweep it under the carpet. She attempted to step foot inside the elevator but Jane stopped her, moving his arm across the doors, keeping them open but blocking her path. "No, please Lisbon. Don't leave, not like this. Come up to the attic with me, let's talk about this."

Lisbon pushed his arm out of the way and stepped inside, Jane stood in the doorway, both arms now holding the doors open. "You hurt me today Jane. After all we've been through…" she couldn't finish the sentence, afraid that if she said anymore the tears would fall again. She didn't want to cry in front of him –the object of her affection and the source of her pain. She knew she wouldn't be able to stop. "I just wanna go home now."

Jane felt his body begin to tremble, "I'm sorry. Teresa. I never meant to hurt you. You….." He paused, caught in his own emotional maelstrom. "You've given me a second chance at life; I don't want to spend it with you hating me. I love you."

Lisbon smirked and replied quietly, "I've heard that before Jane."

"I mean it Lisbon, please just hear me out?

"Let go of the doors!" the authority had returned to her voice, driven by the growing anger at the memory of the last time he had told her those three little words. Jane did as she asked but instead of stepping out of the elevator he walked into it to stand beside her. He could see the debate going on inside her head. He knew that part of her wanted to forgive him. He watched as Lisbon's finger hovered over the buttons. She seemed to be debating which floor to go to. He held his breath. Would she choose to go to the parking lot and leave him there or go up to the attic with him and talk things through? Up or down? Heaven or hell? He waited. Lisbon sighed before pressing the button for the attic. She didn't turn around, just stared at the closed doors. Jane felt hope flood back into his body along with the promise of a new start, new possibilities. He stood behind her and quietly whispered "Thank you."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This story was originally meant to be just a one-shot but since a number of you have asked for me to write the conversation between Jane and Lisbon, here's part 2. Thank you to everyone who has shown their support for this story by reviewing/favouriting/following. It really means so much to me. Hope you like this second chapter. :-)

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Mentalist**

The second after her finger hit the button, Lisbon wondered whether she had made the right decision. The memory of their fight was still swirling around in her mind like lines from a sad song. Jane had made his feelings about her actions perfectly clear and she wondered just what there was left to talk about. She didn't feel like discussing the reasons why he was angry, she knew full well the cause of his ire, but something inside her made her want to hear him out, the part of her that still believed that their friendship was built on more than just a thirst for revenge. She could feel the weight of his gaze upon her as he stood behind. She knew that he was trying to figure out whether she would forgive him or punch him in the nose the moment they got into the attic. If she was completely honest with herself, the thought of hitting him was a satisfying one but after all they'd been through together, she knew she owed him a chance to explain. In just a few seconds the elevator had taken them up. The doors opened and they each stepped silently out. Jane led her to the attic door and once he opened it, gestured for her to step inside. She did so without looking at him. Once inside she took a few more steps, waited for him to close the door and then turned around to face him, arms crossed over her chest, an impatient look on her face.

Jane stood before Lisbon, his eyes unwilling to leave hers. He prided himself in his ability to be able to hypnotise people but at that moment in time it was he who had been put into a trance. The pain and sadness he saw reflected in those precious emerald green eyes held him captive against his will, sending a multitude of unpleasant feelings coursing through his veins, engulfing, consuming him alive. More than anything, he wanted to close the distance between them and hold her in his arms, but he knew he had no right to. He had acted unfairly and he needed to make amends. To extinguish the fire that threatened to destroy everything they had built together. "Lisbon." He began, fully intending to launch into a sincere apology for the way he had treated her, but his mind wouldn't let him weave his emotions into a coherent sentence. That one word was the only thing that would fall from his lips, as if everything that he felt in his heart had been wrapped up in that one word. Lisbon. Her name. Red John was gone, she had exorcised that demon from his life and now that the smoke was finally clearing, he could see the future, his future, standing right in front of him, on the verge of tears. She was all he had now. Standing with her back to the window and framed by moonlight, she appeared very much the angelic saviour that she had been to him. He took a few more steps closer but was halted by her words.

"Just say what you wanted to say Jane!" She had meant to discourage him from moving any closer to her. She couldn't stand that now. She was angry and she wanted to stay that way. She wanted to make Jane see that his actions had consequences, so she looked him in the eyes, holding him in place for what felt like an eternity. She had expected to see anger and resentment written all over his face but instead what she saw was shame, guilt and remorse, and in that split second, it was like a key had turned inside her mind, unlocking a secret that she had stored away for so long. He cared. He actually gave a damn about her. She felt her anger slowly give way, piece by piece with every step he took towards her. But she couldn't let him near, couldn't let her heart break again. So she put on a cold façade, putting everything she had into making her voice sound harsh. She watched as he stopped moving and his mouth tried to form words once again.

"I know I have hurt you. If I could take all those things back, I would. When Red John murdered my wife and child I swore to myself that I would hunt him down and slaughter him the same way. For ten years that was all I could think of. It was something I needed to do; it was a debt I owed to them. And when you….when you killed him, I felt cheated and that hurt Lisbon, it hurt like hell! They were _my _family. It was my pain, no one had the right to take that away, to steal that from me." He took a breath, his voice had begun to tremble, "but you did."

Lisbon's eyes widened, "I saved your _life_, Jane." She whispered. "He was going to kill you!" She paused and the anger returned to her voice, "you know what – I don't see why I should be standing here and apologising for that! For God's sake Jane, did you think I was just going to let him take your life? I know you wanted to kill him, but guess what; sometimes life doesn't work out the way you want! And no matter how much you wish things were different, fate has other plans. So just get over it!" The instant those words were out of her mouth Lisbon regretted it. Deep down she genuinely sympathised with everything Jane had gone through, even understood his need for vengeance. Hesitantly, she stole a glimpse of his face, attempting to assess the extent of the damage her onslaught had caused. His eyes betrayed the pain he felt at her words and she realised then that she had cut him deeply. Swallowing back the tears, she said softly, "Jane…I'm sorry."

He looked at her and shook his head, his eyes now also glazed-over with unshed tears, "No, Lisbon it's okay. I guess I deserved that…after the things I said to you today." His voice had become gravelly, "You know, since the time I got that damn list down to seven, we've just been fighting like this. I was trying to protect _you_; you were trying to save _me_. I thought that once he was out of our lives we wouldn't keep hurting each other like this..." He let those words hang in the air, like clouds before an approaching thunderstorm.

"Maybe…" Lisbon began, breaking the brief silence between them. "Maybe that's just what we do?" Jane straightened and looked at her. "Maybe we just don't know how to be any other way with each other?"

Despite every rational thought in his mind telling him to stay where he was, he took a few more steps towards her, his arms, now within reaching distance, stretched out and touched her shoulders. "You don't believe that any more than I do Lisbon." He looked her in the eyes, his expression serious but with a tinge of affection.

"Jane!" Lisbon whispered a warning.

"Teresa." He hushed her, his voice soft and warm. He took another step closer. "I need you. I need you in my life. After Red John killed my family, I was lost in my own grief, I was a mess. I didn't think I could believe in anything good again. But since I met you, you have made me believe in hope. I owe you….my life."

Lisbon could say nothing, stunned into silence at Jane's words. She looked into his eyes "And…." He continued, "I want you to know, that no matter what I said today, not a day goes by that I ever regret letting you into my world and working side by side with you. Or becoming friends." He reached out and held her chin with his right hand, tenderly brushing the delicate skin near her cheek.

"So," Lisbon whispered, a single tear escaping her eye, "where do we go from here?"

Jane's gaze swept across her face and he smiled, "Dance with me?" Lisbon looked at him quizzically, unable to stop a little smile of her own playing upon her lips. "Do you remember that case with the guy dressed as a parrot?"

Lisbon nodded, "You mean the one who threw his mp3 player at you?"

"He was so angry that he forgot to take it back." Jane walked towards his makeshift bed, reached out from under his pillow and retrieved the device.

"Jane, you didn't… did you steal that?" She gave him a disapproving look which Jane found adorable.

"I consider it compensation – I had a bruise on my head for a week!" He paused, "I've been going through his playlists and I found this song." He pressed play and the soft tinkle of piano notes emanated from the devices small speakers. Jane moved over to the desk and placed the mp3 player upon its wooden surface. The music began to fill the room as he stood in front of Lisbon once again.

_What a difference a day made…twenty four little hours…._

"After everything that's happened today, I think it's kinda appropriate." Jane said as he held out his hand to her. She hesitated for a second, still sore from the fallout of the day's events. She looked at Jane's face and saw his pleading eyes and her heart finally melted. Even after all the hell this man had put her through in the last few years she still cared about him. She thought about what he had said, about how Red John had succeeded in almost tearing them apart in the final days before his death and she knew that she would do whatever it took to never let that happen. She realised that she needed him in her life too. Slowly she took his hand in hers and as he pulled her closer, the two of them began to sway softly to the music.

Jane silently inhaled her scent as she rested her head on his shoulder and he thought about how perfect a moment this was between them. He had almost lost her through careless words, much as he had lost the two other people he'd loved so much through the same actions so many years ago. There were so many things he wanted to tell her, so many thoughts and feelings that had been buried for so long that he wanted to express, but he didn't want to spoil the moment. So they danced in silence as he listened to the lyrics of the song.

_What a different a day makes….._

The day had turned out differently than he had ever imagined. Little did he know that when he woke up that morning it would be the start of a new life for him and he owed it all to the special person in his arms. He knew it would probably take the rest of his life, but he was determined to show Teresa Lisbon just how grateful he was for everything she had done and how important she was to him. He smiled again, because thanks to her, he now had the rest of his life to plan for.

_And the difference is you._...

**Thanks for reading, and in case you were wondering - the song is What a difference a day made by Jamie Cullum :-)**


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